Why pick me?
All around, people were running away, pushing others just to escape all these monsters.
In this place where no one was caring about others, just themselves.
Stood a man… chained down, wearing barely anything, under this grey sky where the air frozen. One skin could numb out in this weather… in this chaos, they screamed:
“WHY DID YOU REINCARNATE ME AS A SLAVE AND WHEN A RAID IS HAPPENING YOU, STUPID GODDESS? COULD AT LEAST PUT ME IN A PROPER PLACE SO I CAN PREPARE MYSELF….. AND THAT DAMN NAME YOU GAVE ME”
[Haha you must be wondering how did I end up here and who this goddess.
I won't stay long talking but as you guessed I been isekaied to an other world by the will of some gods after being hit by what you call the cliche way of dying before being isekaied…. By truck kun ...
And so with that, I lost my life to such a cliche. How vexing, could prefer I at least go out in a cooler way and after finishing all my duties, so many things I have yet to finish but now all lost, vanished simply like that…. Well, all that no longer matters, it's not like I had such an awesome to be excited about, maybe now I can have a better one …
And so that’s what lead us to these so called gods, hmm this is how it all begun…]
Unknown voice: “Welcome human, I assume you already know the fact that you died so we don’t have to dwell on that.
The fact you’re here is not something all humans can get, in fact, it rarely happens where one meets the requirement to even see us, so be glad.
We don’t have much time to talk, just know that we the gods give you the opportunity to have another life but that the cost of you fulfilling our wills, your missions is either to destroy that person or save them, you know who soon enough when you reach the world …”
( Huh? Who are you, and why am I in this state, I will be isekaied? Mission? Who is that person even ?)
“Oh forgot, you can’t talk in this state, well no matter, you hearing me is enough…
Human, I’m adding this as a bonus for your survival but each god can grant you one power of their wish if they so desire and as the first god who will bless you, I Kokomi , grant you the power of <Hyper Regeneration> and with that good luck
Know that you can't get rid of anything we, the gods give you and that be including your name ....
Biggus Dickus”
Biggus Dickus: (WAIT WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME? AAAAAAAAAAAAAA----)
*begins transportation*
And so begins the journey of our hero named Biggus Dickus by the goddess Kokomi that is greatly enjoying messing with him while being excited to what he show us in the future.
“The prophecy! Oh, Oracle! Oh, Oracle, you were right all along,” a fear-stricken man cried as he ran from the monstrous roars and pitiable screams in the distance. “The first of her 12 labors has come back to lay waste to us!”
Biggus had already got his first glimpse of what seemed to be the source of the great terror before the fearful man had even finished. Though the lumbering beast resembled a lion, even the freshly isekai’d slave could tell there was much more to the monstrosity than that. With it’s height on all-fours dwarfing the height of many humans, the lion-beast was almost twice the size of anything similar Biggus had seen in his previous world and, on top of that, its mane seemed to be made of bronze wires, his fur coat shimmered like gold, and the hellish red eyes of the abomination locked onto Biggus while forsaking all else, including the roars and shrieks from where he came from.
Having up until now been completely overwhelmed by the otherworldly nightmare approaching him, Biggus had only just noticed and processed that the man he had heard earlier had freed him. He then noticed a dusty yet beautiful dagger left behind in the middle of the road nearby him. Of course, Biggus thought. He may not know why he was chosen, but he was in fact chosen and so it only makes sense that gods wouldn’t put him in a completely hopeless situation. A magic dagger perhaps? Now braver and freer, Biggus was face-to-face with the lion-beast now.
Suddenly, in a move that even caught the beast off-guard, Biggus took the first swing and slashed the lion-beast straight across the face. The swing felt natural to Biggus, almost as if the dagger was made just for him. Who’s to say it wasn’t he thought as the ornamental dagger’s blade broke off and went flying. The two stared at the dagger for a moment and Biggus Dickus was promptly consumed.
The beast then having swallowed the whole load in one turned pale, white even. It went to its knees, then lying down to rest. Closing eyes, sockets getting darker and darker, now resembling a certain herbivore. Stomache turning, it snoozed off to digest the big catch of the day.
The dagger's blade to the side, now soaked in the beast's blood, slowly began rattling. A mysterious pink glow enveloped the broken off sliver blade illuminating the dim corner of the place. As the metal clinking intensived, the word "Awaken!" echoed though the empty room, seemingly whispered by a heavenly voice.
The metal glew up morphing into a small figurine. Its thin, lucent wings flapped open as it rose its tiny head. The eyes opened. A fairy, a butterfly? What is this form? the figure thought. Why am I here? It glanced up a sinister grin painted on its face, snoozing beast ahead. That's it! That's why I'm here. "Thank goddess!" it proclaimed.
The figure opened the wings, flapped them till the small body elevated from the ground. It hovered towards the beast's head, to land between the pitch black closed eyes, on its snow white nose.
With the dagger, now in its real form, floating over the beast's nose, it went dormant. Biggus observed it, still tense, breathing heavily - his hands still shaped as if it was holding the dagger.
"Oh, you thought you were special... you thought I was here just for you?" The dagger being started. "Yes, I'll tell you you're "exotic", but there's so much more out there... so much you don't know about this world..."
The winged figure seemed to be mocking him and enjoying the situation.
"I must thank you, though. Your admission in here got me awakened. It seems like we'll be tagging along for now. And as you see, I am not fit for slashing and cutting flesh - I tear down the will of a soul."
Biggus, at first, seemed very scared and observant, but that tiny creature was so loud... Was that really a tool Kokomi granted him to aid him during his 12 trials? He smiled out of relief on second thought.
"Look... you... Yeah, you see, I'll allow you to follow me if you wish, that 'kiss the nose to put to sleep' ability can be useful".
The winged being's glow seemed to turn from pink to scarlet.
"But, you see? Kokomi-sama herself - and I don't know much of what she is, but she's certainly a deity, right? - gave me [ hyper regeneration ]. You cut off... 'will'? Yeah, I bet I'll survive blows better due to my received gift, thank you".
"... you... what... I've been designed by the gods themselves..." was all the dagger said, trembling while involved in a deep red aura.
"The name is Joe Hardy. Well, Biggus Dickus if I must maintain the name the gods gave me in this world. It's nice you feel happy 'cause you've been awakened - I imagine you've been put to sleep for long, don't even wanna know why - but this former slave is off to take care of some 'prophecy' now."
"Very well. It'd be entertaining to see a mere human slave try...." The butterfly moved forward. "I will guide you toward your master. That will help you on this journey, Biggus Dickus"
"My name is not Biggus Dickus..." Biggus- No, Joe Hardy sighed. Yet with no knowledge of this peculiar world he had no choice but to follow the strange butterfly. They met for a reason, he was certain of that.
It was that moment Hardy realized he wasn't in a world of nothingness. Instead, he found himself in a village, with real people, and buildings and everything that one would expect of a human settlement. Still vastly different than his own world, the one where he felt safe.
As they travelled through the village, where the beast had wrecked havock, Joe Hardy noticed the trail of destruction it left. A disgusting smell all over, the smell of something rotting. Dozens of wounded humans, some did not seem very alive. Shackles on their feet. Maybe they were slaves like him. Most of them wearing rags for clothes, their skin dull. It was eerily calm. It made him uncomfortable
"Shouldn't we stop and help those people?" He asked.
"No. You have done enough. We must meet your master first, he's an impatient man"
Chapter VI
But then first all of a sudden *TOOT!* *TOOT!*. What foul entity dare take to such aggressive honking in the proximity of Hardy Dickus? Big Joe could think of only one. A savage shiver ran down his spine, gripped his bones and rattled his shackles until they sounded like coins clinking.
"What the heaven got you so riled up?" The Fae jibed.
He did not respond. Instead, the aura around Hardick intensified, his eyes darkened and his breathing got heavier. Certainly, "It" was coming. At first, "It" was gusting up a dust storm far outside of village bounds - just a blot travelling along Hell's otherwise featureless vista. But "It" was definitely closing in at alarming speeds, and the contours of its silhouette were coming into focus. The Fae squinted carefully at the incoming threat. Approximately one ton of weight packed into fun-size dimensions on stupid mini-wheels. A stout bonnet coated in dumb green and pink colours. A little goddamn pennon hanging awkwardly out of the driver seat. The number '11' scribbled in blood on the suspiciously shaded windshield.
"Awh! It's a cute little minivan!" The Fae cheerily swooned. "It has the number 11 written on it, too. Surely that won't be a plot point later on."
"I never told you what killed me." Hardick's voice gravelled gratingly. "That terrible vehicle. That evil machination. War machine on wheels."
As the strangely coloured kei-truck approached the duo, the aura around Hardick started getting denser. Loose rubble atop the ruins of the village started sliding down. Surviving villagers ran away, trembling at the newborn stranger-danger. The smell of nachos and mountain dew started to fill the air.
"I was in the middle of my dailies." Hardick's voice began to screech and tear. "But I just needed to get some juice before the raid tonight began." The Fae held her breath. "So I thought... Let's get a juice. A little juice. Who doesn’t like some juice? Eh?" The Fae shrugged and concurred out of fear, though Hardick wasn't particularly paying attention to her. "Just a little juice..." He held out his hand and clenched his fist little as if he held a phone. "So I thought, let's tweet it. Yeah, why not tweet it, huh? 'Getting a bit of juice, squirt emoji, hashtag eggplant'. Then the crossing lights went to green.” He slowly extends his arm. “I’m halfway across the road, I hit ‘send’ but then suddenly..."
*TOOT!* *TOOT!*
"Yes. Toot. Toot. Toot toot." Joe Hard's eyes turned into a villainous shade of red. "Toot fucking toot.”
The sweat drops dripped from the mini-creature like it was floating melting ice lolly. "I think you… I think humans call it a… Uh... That’s a Suzuki Carry."
The vehicle razed through the village gates on the far side of the square.
“Yes. Truck-kun. My killer.”
“T-That’s more of a mini-van though.” You didn’t even get killed by a real truck? The Fae thought to herself.
Big Hardick roared and took a battle stance.
