Art Ishida's Poems

Vandred · Oct 27, 2016

As some of you may know, Sui Ishida posts quite a lot of his own original artworks on his Twitter account sotonami or his Tumblr page sui-zakki. To some of these, as well as inside the manga's volumes, he sometimes associates a poem written by himself relating to the characters depicted.

With these poems being an interesting extra, this thread was created to collect and discuss them all since a fair number of them has been published. With every entry will be included a link to the original source where Ishida posted it (when possible) and another link to the post of whoever translated the entry, mostly on Tumblr (when present, the notes at the end were included by them). A big thank you goes toward these people.

Poem included with TG:re volume 5
Translation: drowning-in-theories

※

Like mortar in a mixer
Three heads, melted thickly

Miracles have been used up long ago
and lie cold on the concrete

Killed
I killed
Have I killed?

I was losing my grasp on reality,
when the eyes of the heads
opened wetly like genitals, to say hello

The heads whispered in Mother’s voice

“you”
“you”
“you”

“you”
“how did you fool yourself into thinking you would be loved”
“when you’re so ugly”

“uoh……..”

Gentle abuse, repeated over and over in “that box”
The sky flickers, like traffic lights

Before I knew it, nine thorns sprang out from the chest cavity
The diaphragm shivered, as if about to cry

(my body!)

I finally lost my grasp on reality, and I started climbing the steel tower
The handrails I touched all turned black and rusted.

(I knew I was made of poison!)
(No, it was that woman who was poison itself)

(climb, climb)

(not enough to die)
(to a higher place, higher place, climb!)

※

The intestines of the dead,
reaches out to the heavens from the tip of the steel tower.

The intestines were knotted together like rope.
I desperately pulled the rope in.

squelch, squelch, squelch

The knot had grown long enough to reach the sun.

Tower of beloved corpses.
With each pull I reach the peak, and the height increases. I cannot see the ground anymore.

The tower starts to shake widely,
whispering in Mother’s voice.

“automatic failure at happiness, shapeless spawn”

(ahh)

“My dear lost one”

“Your parents failed in raising you”

And I died.

The sky falls. - 16/11/2015
Source: Here
Translation: tokyo-fushu

Work BGM.

The sky falls.

I had a dream where the sky fell down.

The bloodstains won’t come out, no matter how many times I pour warm water on them, they won’t come out.

Only words begin to dissolve everything, and get stuck in the drain.

And you become unable to forgive yourself, unforgiving.

*

I had a dream.
A failure of a God
She laughed and squeezed my throat.

It’s always like this.
Only people dull to pain hurt me.

She truly loved me,
Only she didn’t know how to love.

What a stupid God.

My nerves grow strangely and pierce through my skin.
All at once they sing out.
Far away, someone laughs. Soon, it’s not even my voice any more.
My brain becomes transparent, and there’s nothing I can’t see.

On knowing the things you didn’t know, you die.

*

I had a dream where the sky fell.

A checkerboard sky.

Squashed by it, I died.

Yes, I wished for that.

I have become 6 years old. - 29/02/2016
Source: Here
Translation: makyun

How stupid.

What’s so joyous about birthdays, I wonder.
Never in my life have I ever felt grateful for being born.

But for you people, how are you still celebrating your life despite how hopelessly stupid or ugly you are?

I am genuinely impressed.

Doesn’t it make you want to die?
If you die, you can get cured you know. (This is true.)

*

I was born during leap year.
And since February 29 only happens once every four years, I’m around six years old. Meaning, I can only live a quarter of a person’s life.

So if you were planning on giving me something.
In this year, I want four times more of that love or hate.

I don’t need anything else.
Besides, what you people get is usually food or something consumable or trash, right? (Just kidding.)

*

Even if I celebrate it, I can’t help it.
I’m just a human being who doesn’t think of anything about the day they were born.

PS: (Laugh, it’s fun!)

Furuta-kun

(To start with) - 03/03/2016
Source: Here
Translation: makyun

(To start with)

It’s a waste if you only celebrate one’s birthday!
Congratulations to your births everyone!

Soulmate ・ Tsukiyama Shuu
BGM: 0004 by PUIKO-san

*

It will be alright.

The world will grow to be kind.
Everything will be okay.

Even if it’s only one person, someone will definitely understand you.

Someone will surely love you.
Even if you are hurt due to loneliness, someone will surely embrace you.

That something that you are working on? It is not for naught.

You are forgiven for what you have done.
The day that you forgive them will soon come.

That certain event that has happened before, you will come to forget it.

Everything that gives you fear will disappear.

Eternity does exist.

Being born. Breathing. Feeling.
You are currently seeing these words.
And are trying to understand them.
You then realize that these words were for you.
You were reading along the words with your eyes, am I right?
…
You are seeing.
You let out a small gasp and stop breathing.
You notice that and you take another deep breath.

You are alive.

In the nights that you are fighting alone, shall I pull your hand and bring you over to the sea of stars?

I shall gently push your back until the morning comes as you ride on the moon’s swing.

If a frightful morning comes, you can continue your slumber.
You do not have to feel guilt even if you sleep thru the day.

And once the night arrives, I shall bring you outside once again.
Again, and again. No matter how many times.

*

It’s okay not to be normal.
Even if you’re different from your surroundings, you don’t have to be scared.

It’s okay to be normal.
You just see things in the same perspective as everyone else.

It’s okay to love someone.
It’s okay to be hated.

It’s okay to turn away from the things you don’t like.
It’s okay to hide from what makes you scared.
And if you’re driven to the point where breathing becomes painful, you can run away.

You can do the things you like as you think them.
You can continue to dance. You can continue to sing.
You can continue to sleep.

Rest.
And once you feel better, try opening the door even for a little bit.
Even if you’re still wearing your pajamas, try going outside.

And if you think that the cool morning air feels good, then you’ll be fine.
And just like that, take a few steps.
If you feel tired, you can rest anytime.

You are strong.
You are beautiful.
You are wonderful.
You can be happy.
You can be loved.

You have every right.

*

I shall spoil you at any time.
So, you too should also spoil your small self.

Since you’re doing your best, it will be okay.

It will be alright.

I want to disappear. - 06/04/2016
Source: Here
Translation: makyun

BGM: 0005 by PUIKO-san
(while listening)

Someone said this:
“Even if you have no memories of being loved, for as long as you have memories of loving someone, you can continue to live.”

…But how is someone who has never been loved be capable of loving someone else?

A child who wasn’t able to receive the minimal love they required at the time they needed it the most will continue to gaze at the illusion of affection and never know how to love until the day they die.

Well, how about me? Can I continue to live?

I saw a corpse caught up in the wheels of a truck.

It seemed like the road was cluttered with spam.
A cord that resembled a yellow spaghetti was popping out from its cross-section.

I watch as its internal organs bloomed in such a grotesque manner.

And then I thought to myself, “God really doesn’t exist after all.”
There is no way that a soul would dwell in such a hideous thing.

I’m sure that ‘those words’ will reach out to a huge amount of people.
But it won’t fall into a place where light cannot reach, just like the bottom of the sea.

Similar to deep-sea fishes, we grow sick and tired of seeing things so our eyes too, just degenerate completely.

And because we die due to not being able to breathe on land, we cannot leave this place.

We will continue to drift towards the bottom of the sea.

There’s no use scooping out in a colorless world.*

“This is just what I think but, I wonder if poems and meanings exist just to only get dirtied?”

Translator's note:
* I personally think that there’s a pun here. The kanji Ishida-sensei used in this line was for "scooping out" (sukui) similar to what you do with fishes. In Japanese, another word with a different kanji means "saving" (sukui).

So I think it’s like meant to be two ways like, "there’s no use saving the fish by scooping them out as they are drifting towards the ocean floor".

Who knows. - 14/04/2016
Source: Here
Translation: makyun

Belfast by österreich

The reason why spring is melancholic
is because of the happiness
that the warm sunlight brings.

I really despise happiness.
I can only know my own form within dirty mud.

Anesthetized due to the pain,
pulling out a brain that has grown numb,
then losing sanity with a strained laugh,
people who can’t live without a reason,
even though in reality, they probably didn’t want to write anything.*

They fill in the blank space with
t h o u g h t s a n d s e l f - m u t i l a t i o n.

Consistently scrape it off with letters and sound.

And become people who live only thru deception.
Hah.

A layer of mask of labored breathing.
Hah.

.
.
.

“…Um,
since when has everyone started to pretend they’re human?”

Who knows.

Translator's note:
* As for "they didn’t want to write anything", pretty sure it refers to social profiles, because many Japanese social platforms (like LINE and maybe mixi) won’t let you create a profile without writing something about yourself. So even if you don’t want to write anything you have to write *something*.

I shared myself. - 06/06/2016
Source: Here
Translation: randomthoughtpatterns

Movie by österreich

I shared myself
With you, that’s why
If you were to go away
I’ll hurt like something’s been torn off in me
I’ll be bereft

Where has the time we shared go, I wonder

The dust that looks like peach fuzz
Reflecting light,
It’s slowly falling

Will it gather in a place that I don’t know, I wonder

Are you also

There, I wonder

Hairpin, hair ornament, fragrant oil,

When did I throw away

All these forgotten things?

The reason why is lost

Even if I didn’t understand what is the right thing

You, certainly, were always right

I’d always make mistakes, and let you make them, too

“I didn’t amount to anything, did I”

“I didn’t help anyone”

If you wish for me to not go anywhere

I can’t go anywhere

Because I have no legs, no head

I can’t go anywhere

I can’t go

Kill. - 10/06/2016
Source: Here
Translation: makyun

Kill.

“If you could keep one, would you pick a dog or a cat? You’d need to kill the other.”

Perplexed.

With no clear reason to hate.
Moreover, they love me.

Come on, kill.
Come on, kill.

Ring, ring.
Ringing in my ears.

I have to keep it!

I wonder if bearing a sense of responsibility would mean that I’d have to kill it?

And then, I finally extend my hands.

I wrap my hands around its neck as tightly as I can.
Please die quickly, please die quickly…
(I looked away so that I wouldn’t see the face of suffering.)
(A person who would look onto the eyes of the living as they kill them is probably out of their minds.)

38.5 kilograms.

Ever since that day, that thin, huge cat (or dog)
(I held in my hands a strangely swollen stomach containing a rotting womb.)
died.

The flies swarmed in an instant.
Everything I’ve feared was happening.
The sacred thing was getting contaminated.

Its meaning was getting dissolved into a mush that covered the mortar floor.
The room is meaning, and I was full of it. In the end, I was no longer able to move.

(Would it have been better if I just killed them both?)
(Or perhaps, I…?)

Shortly after, the answer started overflowing. I choked.
Was going to die anyway.

(When one fun thing happens and then a sad thing happens after, anyone would go mad.)

Her womb smelled like it was burnt. - 22/07/2016
Source: Here
Translation: makyun

Her womb smelled like it was burnt.

The children who were meant to be born, died. The vision of the future convulses.

Someone declared that they’ll crush only half of the broad bean.
The gene is in a severe bipolar state.
The nucleic acid sequence having no recollection of its own actions.

All of the fingers that were supposed to be connected from start to end, are scattered around; it’s annoying.

If you look closely at the knot, you can see that it can be surprisingly easy to untie.

I was always asked to keep the switch.
Go forward.
Go back.
Stop.

I can hear my voice from the mouth.
That voice gave me a feeling of discomfort and it had become extremely disgusting but, no one noticed that and everyone was under the impression that it was indeed, my voice.

Sin is irresponsible. I’m getting tired of being forgiven.
My shoulders have even forgotten about my legs.

I open the door with the side of my arm.

The path that I should’ve advanced in is gone and darkness pulled onto the horizon that lay right beneath it.

“Come on, come on! Come on, come on!”

Go forward.
Go back.
Stop.

I can hear my voice from the bones.

“Did you know that our voice is the mixed voices from dad and mom? No wonder it’s so disgusting.”

I pinched my nose and jumped down without a pause. Just like how a child would when jumping into a pool.

Even the never-stopping rain,
even the never-breaking night,
even the never-ending agony.

It’s surely there, it’s just that it wasn’t there until now.

Falling down, falling down.
It’s as if right has become left.

And on the brink of collision, I recall Björk's song,

The last moment of judgment. - 26/10/2016
Source: Here
Translation: makyun

(1)

The last moment of judgement.

Where all lies will be uncovered,
where all sins will be judged.

The first thing that you get disappointed at is anger,
and once you’ve grown tired of getting angry, it will try to kill you.

A God that will not hesitate to murder for the sake of atonement
is just the same as all of you.

And next time, for sure, will be a sole fig leaf,
concealing itself without leaving a trace.

Carrying that out until it becomes vivid.

And only in that moment where blood spills, you softly laugh.

(2)

An ark is being swayed like a coffin.

“It’s fine even if a cute person catches your eye!”
And then they went blind.

God resents due to the vision that was lost.

For the sake of your self-righteousness,
how many people have shed blood?
How many people have suffocated within the sea?

The buildings are gravestones floating in the sea.
The strained foundations creak and
one day, it just breaks with a snap too quick.

That was when you experienced* those boring numbers with those eyes.
That was when you overlap limbs with someone you love.
That was when you became tired and fell asleep.

It really did happen so suddenly.

So you sink into the ocean once again.

Mankind will surely lose.

Our gradual burial at sea.

Since everyone I knew will die,
I cried until I dried up.

Soon, everyone became a pillar of salt.
d of course, that too dissolved into the sea.

(3)

The world should just end while I’m still aware.

The cradle shakes and self-destructed.
The sea filled with salt dried up.
With a hole in the throat, all the blood started to sing.

You then will no longer be able to stop laughing.

I think that the last person standing at the end of the world will certainly be the villain.

(End)

Translator's note:
- * Experienced can also translate to lick or to taste
- To anyone curious, pronouns aren't used much here so I usually used "they" for vague ones
- Most of the "you" are indeed in the Japanese text

Spirit · Oct 28, 2016