Help Request a Full Translation Check

[njt]

Re: べしゃり暮らし Help~

Wow, a lot of casual/cultural references in that manga...

Thanks for all your hard work njt!!
I heard how tricky it was even for you~~

Yeah- it appears I might have to read ashita no jyo....
not to mention the manzai- bleh that was confusing. (which I'll write up when I have time )

 

[pocketmofo]

Re: べしゃり暮らし Help~

I can explain the 漫才 a bit (which I'm sure NJT will elaborate on a bit later):

Boke: "Oh that reminds me of the fall of my senior year. I was asked out by Hitomi-chan." (*literally, "I was confessed to by a girl named Hitomi ---告られた＝告白された）

Tsukkomi: "Oh yeah, I remember that. You two went out together for a while there."

Boke: "One day while I was getting ready to go home, she came up to me like this and..."

Tsukkomi: "Whoa, waiiit!?"

Tsukkomi: "There was no girl named Hitomi like that!" (??)

Boke: "Huh? You mean not in C-class?" (??)

Tsukkomi "There totally was totally a Hitomi-chan like that in C-class!"

Boke: "No no, there was a way cuter Hitomi than her."

Boke: "As I was trying to go home (*or on my way home)! She asked, "Kei-chan what will you do? Do you want to eat supper before you go?"

Tsukkomi: "You're mom is also a Hitomi you know!" (*as in, "You idiot, that was Hitomi, your own mother!!")


A couple of the lines are still a bit weird (as in, who is really saying what), but I hope that helps a bit

 

[njt]

Re: べしゃり暮らし Help~

here's how Nihongaeri fixed it up for me, so far it's made the most sense
カジュアル：いやー、思い出すな…高三の秋、俺ひとみちゃんにコクられたんだよ

スーツ：あー、よう覚えてるわ…そのコとしばらくつきおうとったもんな、自分

カジュ：俺が帰り支度してるとこう彼女が来て

スーツ（ひとみちゃんのモノマネ）：げへっ待っだぁ～～！？（一応これがボケ）

カジュ：いねーよ、そんなひとみちゃん！（でこれがツッコミ）

スーツ：いたんだ…Ｃ組にいたんだ、そういうの！え？Ｃ組のじゃなくて？

カジュ：ちげーよ…もっとかわいいひとみちゃんいたろ！俺がこう帰ろうとしてる時に！

スーツ（とまたもアルひとみのモノマネで）：ケイちゃんどうする？晩ごはん食べていくか？（とこれもまた一応のボケ）

カジュ：そらおまえのかーちゃんもひとみだけど！（でこれがツッコミってことで）

 

[pocketmofo]

Re: べしゃり暮らし Help~

Ah that makes way more sense, NJT.

I'll revise my translation slightly to go with that.

カジュアル：いやー、思い出すな…高三の秋、俺ひとみちゃんにコクられたんだよ
Casual: "Oh, that takes me back...In the fall of my senior year I was asked out by Hitomi-chan."


スーツ：あー、よう覚えてるわ…そのコとしばらくつきおうとったもんな、自分
Suit: "Oh, I remember that well...you went out with her for a while there. "

*Beginning of the skit

カジュ：俺が帰り支度してるとこう彼女が来て
Casual: "I was getting ready to go home when she came up to me like this..."

スーツ（ひとみちゃんのモノマネ）：げへっ待っだぁ～～！？（一応これがボケ）
Suit (Imitating Hitomi): "Were you waiting~!? "

カジュ：いねーよ、そんなひとみちゃん！（でこれがツッコミ）
Casual: "There was no Hitomi-chan like that!"

スーツ：いたんだ…Ｃ組にいたんだ、そういうの！え？Ｃ組のじゃなくて？
Suit: "There was so a girl like that...in C-class! Huh? Not the girl from C-class?"

カジュ：ちげーよ…もっとかわいいひとみちゃんいたろ！俺がこう帰ろうとしてる時に！
Casual: "No...there was a way cuter Hitomi-chan! When I was about to go home!"

スーツ（とまたもアルひとみのモノマネで）：ケイちゃんどうする？晩ごはん食べていくか？（とこれもまた一応のボケ）
Suit (Once again imitating Hitomi-chan): "What will you do, Kei-chan? Will you eat dinner before you go?"

カジュ：そらおまえのかーちゃんもひとみだけど！（でこれがツッコミってことで）
Casual: "That's Hitomi, your mom!"

 

[njt]

Re: べしゃり暮らし Help~

ah- that's great (saves me work hehe )

but you did a much better job at presenting it . great job *reps* ohh wait...

 

[Gold Knight]

Re: べしゃり暮らし Help~

Working overtime, huh, guys.

 

[Yoshitsune]

Re: べしゃり暮らし Help~

I guess it's a good learning experience for us all

hope it's not too troublesome...

 

[Gold Knight]

Re: べしゃり暮らし Help~

I guess it's a good learning experience for us all

I like that XD Yep, they're just trying to help you improve, and in your own way, you're also helping them improve as well. ^^

 

[NeoShweaty]

Re: べしゃり暮らし Help~

All of you, yoshitsune, njt and others are helping me very directly since i plan to scanlate this series. So thank you very much yoshitsune, njt and others. Where would i be without my trusty translators and the people here? probably still leeching.

also, yoshi why do you change your sig and ava so much?

 

[Yoshitsune]

Re: べしゃり暮らし Help~

also, yoshi why do you change your sig and ava so much?

I don't know...good question......
I guess cuz I made a different one I liked

 

[njt]

Re: べしゃり暮らし Help~

大変お待たせしました！！！！
FINISHED!!!! Enjoy hehe.

had a bit of a problem with:むしろ望むところだ, can someone give me a second opinion on if it's ok?


_________________________________________________

"Go to hell before you get to read Jump's long-awaited new Naruto and Onepiece!"

せっかく
ジャンプ買ったのに
ワンピースとナルト読む前に死ね！
Even though you bought Jump, go to hell before having the chance to read it {One piece and Naruto!}

"Since elementary school

小学校からのお年玉頑張って積み立てたまま死ね
Go to hell without spending all the money that you saved since elementary school! (You could go into describing Otoshidama.... but it'd be a pain, perhaps changing it to allowance / b-day or chirstmas money would work better)

"Go to hell as you play your porno DVDs!"

エロDVDデッキに入れたまま死ね！
Go to hell with your porno DVD in the player!

"That piece of shit..."

懲りねー奴
"He'll never learn...." / "what a hard head"

>It's no use..<

だめだぁーーーっ
It's all over....

>No! That can't be it!<

いや！　そんな事あるかぁーーーーっ
There's no way that can be true

>They're confined to this genius!<

この天才に限って
With my genius and all

Missed this part

きっとみんなにうまく伝わってねーだけだ！
It(his genius) just probably went over their heads

Then what is it..."

じゃあ一体何で・・・
Then what's going on....

"Are you going to do something about it....?"

誰にとか・・・聞かないの・・・？
Aren't you going to ask by who... or something?

"Shut up....
What would that do..."

そんなモン誰だっていい・・・
I don't care who it is....

"I'll put my hairdo on the line for the laughs!"

俺は
この髪形と笑いに命かけてんだ
I'm risking it all on my hair and laughs

"People are not amused with those kinds of jokes cuz I'm still naive"

そんな事くれーで笑わせられねーなんて
やっぱり俺がまだまだ甘めーって事だ
So for people to stop laughing because of something like that means I'm still not good enough.

>That's right! ...

よーし
むしろ望むところだ
見とけよコラ!
Alright--
I'll do it.
Just you wait!

>I'll definately, definately, gain the spotlight<

ぜってーに・・・
ぜってーにウケてやんぞ
I'm going to....
I'm going to make them laugh!

"If he's hated by Tamaki-kun.."

玉木くんに嫌われたら
生きていけないから・・・まぁねぇ・・・
がんばるけど・・・
I couldn't live with myself if Tamaki-kun were to hate me... so ummm... I'll give it a shot...

"And Agatsuma-kun had all these bruises today too, I wonder if he got into a fight..."

今日上妻くんがケガしてたのと何かカンケーあんのかな
I wonder if it has anything to do with the bruises on Agatsuma-kun today.

"That guy's not just good at school and sports, but at his level, even at making jokes.."

あいつ・・・
勉強やスポーツだけじゃなくこの上笑いでも・・・
Man... not only can he study and play sports... but to take up jokes too....

"Wow.."

うわー
Bleh...

"He's so spontaneous!"

本気で天然だ
He seriously is dense....

"There"

ゴン
*thud* Sound of something hard against metal*

"Be disliked by all!"

嫌われろ
Be loathed/hated.

>That must be it...<

やっぱりそうか・・・
and I was right...

I haven't seen him for a while now!"

そういやあいつ
Now that you mention it
さっきの時間いなかったぞ
He wasn't in last period (er the PE class they were just at)

"Did Tamaki-kun really take it?"

ホントは玉木くんがとったんじゃないの？
Though in reality
Couldn't it have been you (Tamaki-kun) instead?

"Eh? That's weird..."

あれぇ・・・おっかしいな
Hmmm... this isn't right...

"What's that?"

何やこれ？
What's with this thing

my panties are visible"

パンツ見えるっちゅーねん
you can see my panties

"Huh~!?"
"What's with this..."

なんでやこれ
きっつ・・・
Why are these things sooo tight

"I thought I double checked, but this isn't mine"

よう見たら　これ　俺のちゃうわ
Wait a minute, these aren't mine!!
(lit よく見たら、　これは俺のじゃない)

"Whose is this then!"

あかん　誰のやこれ！
Shit, whose the hell are these?

"Oh wow~"

いーーやーーーだ
No---- way----

Huh!?"

アリ？！
she's OK with that?!

"Can you do that~!"

てめーなんかにできてたまるかーーーっ
There's now way I'd let you get away with it(doing the gag)!

>He made everyone laugh with that....<

なんかみんな一気に・・・
All that with just one joke...

"That doesn't mean I found it funny! You nasty loser!"

nasty → dirty/sick

"Didn't you say the girls would do anything you'd ask"

何が何でも聞く女がいるだよ
What was all that "I know some girls that would do anything" talk

"Yo, you talked smack!"

おい話がちげーじゃねーかよ
you know nothin'

"No, I'm serious, I jacked off good..."
"With Nana's skirt!"

いやホンマめっちゃええニオイするんやって
奈々のスカート
I'm serious, Nana's skirt smelled REALLY good.

"Hmm, how should I put it, it was like fresh cooked rice"

how should I put it → for example
it was like → it smelt like fresh cooked rice

"Gyahahaha, what's with that simile"

何なんだよその例え
What kind on an example is that?!

>I think it's okay if she keeps her eye on him<

ホントに目指せばいいのに・・・
I really think he should go for it...

>I think she's getting used to him<

絶対なれる思うんだけどな・・・
I know he'd (surely) become a....

>That comedian!<

Comedian!!!

 

[Yoshitsune]

Re: べしゃり暮らし Help~

Wow, thanks a lot njt!!

A lot of your help was just rewording things to make them sound better~ thanks for that! Sometimes I can't think of the word to use, so your usage is great!

Thanks a bunch!!

 

[njt]

Re: べしゃり暮らし Help~

Wow, thanks a lot njt!!

A lot of your help was just rewording things to make them sound better~ thanks for that! Sometimes I can't think of the word to use, so your usage is great!

Thanks a bunch!!

No problem . Yeah, it can be quite hard to pick the right words (even though you understand the Japanese) sometimes you just forget what English to use... (I suffer from this a lot now because the lack of an all english surrounding...) But never the less, glad to have helped .

 

[Kaze_no_Hibiki]

[Shonen] Naruto Chapter 393 by KNH

This is my first translation of any manga, ever! I'm sure it's not as good as it could be, but that's why I'm here.

Any criticism is welcomed!

Page one

Side of page:
サスケに残された最後の力を"須佐能乎"が呑み込む・・・!!!
Sasuke's last bit of strength has been swallowed by Susano'o!!!!

Zetsu:
何なんだあのイタチの術
What is up with Itachi's jutsu….?

Page two

Itachi:
ゲホッゲホッ
Ugh...ugh...

Zetsu:
アノスサノトカ言ウ術
相当リスクが大きヨウダナ
That jutsu of his seems to carry a considerable risk.

Zetsu:
でもさサスケは写輪眼ですらなくなってるし
大蛇丸ももうこれは引き剥がされイタチの勝ちちゃったしじゃないの
But you know, Sasuke's sharingan is already gone…
Orochimaru has already been torn off… hasn't Itachi already won?

Page 3
ナンバー393 オレの眼
Number 393 My eyes!

イタチが確信する
勝利の訪れ
Itachi has confidence.
Victory is near*

Itachi:
これでお前の眼はオレのものだ。
With this, your eyes will be mine.

Itachi:
ゆっくりといただくとしよう
I'll take my sweet time taking 'em.

Page 4
Itachi:
ぐっ!
Gwah
ゲホッ!!
Ugh...

Zetsu:
うわ! な・・何?
少シ様子が変ダナ・・・?
Whoa, what the…?
Something doesn't look right with him…

Itachi:
ゲホッ
ゴホッ
Ugh...ugh...

Zetsu:
あのスサノオとか言う術
あの盾で全ての攻撃をはじき返してる
That Susano'o justu…
With that shield, it repels and sends attacks back.

Zetsu:
間違イナイ・・・アレモ霊器の一ツ
全テヲハネ返ス八咫鏡ト呼バレルモノダ
ソレニ攻撃ニハ十拳剣ガアル
コレジャ完全に無敵じゃ
There's no mistaking it... that's also one of the spirit tools.
It reflects all.... Yata no Kagami is what it's called.
Plus, it has the Ten Fist Blade as an attack.
At this point, everything is pointless.

Page 10

Itachi:
オレの眼だ
オレの・・・
My eyes… my…

Page 11

Sasuke:
あぐっ!!
Ahhhhh!

Page 12

Sasuke:
壁・・・
The wall…

Page 17

Side of page:
オレの眼だ・・・眼を抉らんとにじり寄るイタチが、突如崩れ落ちる。立ち竦むサスケ・・・一体!?
My eyes...Itachi approaches to gouge the eyes out, but he suddenly falls. And Sasuke who's frozen in his place....what on earth?

Bottom of page:
ナンバー393 死闘に突然の幕。何故
おわり　次号「サスケの勝利!」へ
Number 393. The curtains suddenly close on this fierce struggle. Why?
Next time... "Sasuke's Victory!!!"

 

[shrimpy]

Re: [Shonen] Naruto Chapter 393 by KNH

i don't spot any problems.
of course, one or two english grammar thingies but that's not the purpose of this board...(right??)

to kind of speed up the process, next time you have questions or parts you're unsure of, try changing their color or bolding them out for it to be easier to spot.

my only other advice is to try reading your script out loud to yourself afterward, you may be surprised how what you thought was good doesn't sound so good anymore. The longer I've been doing this, the less I stick to strictly literal translations...that's where your style comes in. Check HBK's trans on this ch to see exactly what i mean.

 

[njt]

Re: [Shonen] Naruto Chapter 393 by KNH

i don't spot any problems.
of course, one or two english grammar thingies but that's not the purpose of this board...(right??)

to kind of speed up the process, next time you have questions or parts you're unsure of, try changing their color or bolding them out for it to be easier to spot.
Bolded for the truth

my only other advice is to try reading your script out loud to yourself afterward, you may be surprised how what you thought was good doesn't sound so good anymore. The longer I've been doing this, the less I stick to strictly literal translations...that's where your style comes in. Check HBK's trans on this ch to see exactly what i mean.

and yeah, HBK deff does have style

But as for pointing out grammar things, sure why not? Couldn't hurt

 

[shrimpy]

Re: [Shonen] Naruto Chapter 393 by KNH

if you insist...

first line - "has been swallowed..."
2nd line - "what is up with..."

(i shudder to get into english grammar discussions)

 

[Kaze_no_Hibiki]

Re: [Shonen] Naruto Chapter 393 by KNH

Thank you, shrimpy.

I'll be sure to consider your advice next week when I attempt to translate Naruto again!

 

[tora-chan]

Re: [Shonen] Naruto Chapter 393 by KNH

Yey I like this subforum! :3

Anyway, my two cents! I'll state beforehand that my mothertongue is not English, so I won't be giving suggestions on that because there are lotssss of people better than me for that XD;

Actually your translation is pretty much fine. I'll just point out a few details, but it's not like what you wrote is totally incorrect..


1)
Orochiamaru has already been torn off… hasn't Itachi already won?

*Orochimaru~ XD (yes I'm just being picky)


2)
There's no mistaking it... that's also a spirit container.

"Reiki" is not an existing word, so I guess anyone could translate it as s/he wants, but I wouldn't call it a "container"... It's more like "tool", IMHO. All of those weapons are tools that are incorporeal/spiritual and thus not made of anything concrete that can be touched. "Spirit container" sounds more like something which contains a spirit inside of it..


3)
Plus, it has the Ten Fist Blade as an attack.

I'd personally say that it uses that Blade to attack, but your version is not by all means incorrect.


4)
At this point, everything is pointless.

This is more like "[with all those powers (sword, shield, etc)] that jutsu is totally invincible". What you said is correct in that it is indeed true that if it's invincible one is unable stop it whatever one does, so let's say, if that's your way of "rendering" the line, it's fine. The thing is, judging from the flow of your work, which is mostly a literal translation, I thought these "styled" lines weren't "styled" on purpose.. But in fact, it's not always very easy to tell where you got the meaning wrong and where you're just rendering the line into your own style (not just with you, with translators generally). So yeah, take what I say as suggestions and don't mind them if you were just styling the line on purpose~ XD;

Anyway, keep up with your work, it's definitely not bad for someone who just started!

 

[Kaze_no_Hibiki]

Re: [Shonen] Naruto Chapter 393 by KNH

うそをつかないでくさい、tora-chan. Tora-chanの英語がお上手ですよ。 ^_^

1)
Orochiamaru has already been torn off… hasn't Itachi already won?

*Orochimaru~ XD (yes I'm just being picky)

Please! Be picky! I need to proof read my work a lot better. Thank you for pointing it out.

2)
There's no mistaking it... that's also a spirit container.

"Reiki" is not an existing word, so I guess anyone could translate it as s/he wants, but I wouldn't call it a "container"... It's more like "tool", IMHO. All of those weapons are tools that are incorporeal/spiritual and thus not made of anything concrete that can be touched. "Spirit container" sounds more like something which contains a spirit inside of it..

Now that you point that out, I feel that makes more sense. I'll change what I have to reflect that.

4)
At this point, everything is pointless.

This is more like "[with all those powers (sword, shield, etc)] that jutsu is totally invincible". What you said is correct in that it is indeed true that if it's invincible one is unable stop it whatever one does, so let's say, if that's your way of "rendering" the line, it's fine. The thing is, judging from the flow of your work, which is mostly a literal translation, I thought these "styled" lines weren't "styled" on purpose.. But in fact, it's not always very easy to tell where you got the meaning wrong and where you're just rendering the line into your own style (not just with you, with translators generally). So yeah, take what I say as suggestions and don't mind them if you were just styling the line on purpose~ XD;

Actually, I thought 無敵 meant something like pointless or futile, which why I translated the way I did. But yeah, I just translated it wrong.